Back to the easy stuff for today. It counts, too!
I was the smart kid growing up, and I know my dad wanted so much out of me. I was supposed to go to college, a really fancy college, and get a really fancy degree, and work in a really fancy career, like neurosurgeon or rocket scientist. All of that sounded fun, and it still does, and those things still interest me and lead me to further self-education.
What I dreamed about, though, was being a mother. I was fascinated at an early age by the whole birthing process, something that seemed like a huge secret the whole world was conspiring to keep quiet. I used to daydream about having kids, babies, even twins sometimes. I fantasized about being a teen mother, even though I knew that practically speaking it was a very bad idea, but I was so anxious to get on with it.
Once I got to it, I was happy with it. I didn’t end up with an easy path, to be sure. Triplets aren’t a walk in the park no matter how much you love babies! But it was where I was supposed to be. I’ve evolved in my parenting over the last fourteen years, changed some things, improved on some things. We all do. I have always been more confident in my choices as a mother, though, than in almost anything else I do.
I love motherhood. I love growing and birthing babies, especially once I had the chance to “do it right.” I love nursing babies, sleeping with babies, watching babies grow. I’m not very good at playing with babies and toddlers, I never have been, but I’m good at caring for them, teaching them, and giving them what they need. As they grow older, I love watching the light in their eyes as they learn about the world. I love seeing them turn into people of their own, with their own thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and aspirations. I love having conversations with them, answering questions, getting questions that are hard and make me think.
I’ll miss the baby part, even though right now I’d really like to be done with diapers already. But I’m not done being a mother yet, and I’m doing a job I was meant to do.
I am a mother.