I have trust issues. I have perfection issues. I have communication issues. None of those things goes along well with working together with other people.
I can do it if there is a clear outline of tasks and responsibilities, and if I feel I can count on the others to do their part. But collaboration? No. Joint effort on a single task? No.
This is a stumbling block, to be sure.
I am studying to be a priestess, to hopefully lead my own church someday. How can I do that without being able to surrender to teamwork in the circle? On the one hand, surrender sounds like the wrong word, but that’s what it feels like to me. It involves surrendering control, surrendering total responsibility (good or bad) over the outcome.
Surrender. Bending with the wind. Going with the flow. I think those are the keys.
I don’t have a lot of words today. Just a simple recognition that I have a hard time surrendering. It is something that I would like to be different. It is a skill that I can learn, and I will work on that.