My charge has been to find my place. Until I do, I am lost. I am like a traveler into a black hole, cut off from the rest of the universe, unhinged from my place in it. The world spins on around me, as I move into a center of nothingness, as I find that peace and calm within. I have to pass through that place of nothing in order to come out on the other side, reborn into time and space, aware again of my place and what is around me.
The farther I go into this journey, the more adrift I feel. It is as though pinpointing and examining all the pieces of me makes them fade away. As I understand them, they become less important, less demanding. Each piece is part of a wall. As I understand that piece, it disappears from the wall. When the wall is gone, I will see what is beyond, but until then it is like nothingness.
I am being drawn more into meditation and scrying. As I deal with all the obvious, easily-found pieces on the surface, I need to become still and go deeper into order to find what is beneath. The rituals of worship and meditation help to still the mind and allow it into those inner depths. My outer mind is a little afraid of what I will find there. I need to lull it to sleep and calm its fears before I can explore.
Finding peace and calm is certainly no easy thing around here.