I’ve finally figured out what’s been wrong the last I don’t know how many years. Why I’m just not getting things done, why I end up sitting half the day in front of the computer, why I don’t seek out field trips with the kids, why I don’t go to park days, why I hate Foster days, why schoolwork hasn’t been getting done, why the garden sucks, why the laundry backs up, why the house is dirty, why I don’t cook or bake like I used to.
Pardon me, but…
IT’S THE FRAKKING PAIN, STUPID!!!
Last week, I had my second appointment scheduled with my new rheumatologist, to go over all my test results and talk about treatment plans. I promised myself going in to the appointment that I would listen to whatever the doctor suggested, take whatever she prescribed, not write anything off as something that just wouldn’t work, not let my years of ineffective medications color my judgement. I found out that I have a congenital defect in the base of my spine. I have arthritis in my back, my knees, and my feet. I found out that my younger daughter, smallest and yet sometimes strongest of the triplets, does not have cerebral palsy. I got a list of medications to start on, some of them to be shared with my 10-year-old, who we have recently suspected to be suffering from chronic pain.
I can’t describe how different I have felt the last few days. Today, I feel like I’m getting sick. It wouldn’t surprise me if I am running a bit of a fever, since half the kids did as they went through this current round of ick. Even sick, I am feeling better than I have in years. I folded two loads of laundry. I made muffins. I realized last weekend that I haven’t made muffins regularly in several years, since before I started using spelt. I made muffins this morning, using blueberries that my mother picked on her vacation and sent over last night. Yesterday, even though I felt myself getting sick, I got up on time, I got my 10 miles in on the bike, I made a huge pot of curry for dinner, I did some shopping for my new supplements, I tested out the new fountain pen I bought last week, and I got over five and a half hours in on the TARDIS dress. When midnight rolled around, I looked at the clock and said, “Hmm…I guess it’s time to call it a day.”
I haven’t spent most of every day waiting for the kids to go to bed so I could self-medicate with some alcohol. When I do get in front of the computer, half the time I’m standing up, moving from one thing to another. This dress that I’m working on is going very smoothly, no major hurdles, no bumps from a fogged and stupid brain. I can just get up and do things.
Somebody who has not been here has no idea what this is like. I can just get up and do things. That sounds so simple, and in fact I’ve been beating myself up mentally for years, calling myself lazy and all kinds of nasty things because I couldn’t just get up and do things. Now I can. Little things, like going to fetch something from the kitchen or changing a diaper, are no longer these huge hurdles that I have to gear myself up for.
Maybe even sex will become fun again.
I can see my thought patterns are going to have to rearrange themselves pretty radically to adjust to this. I’ve gotten used to defaulting to “no” and “I don’t want to” and looking for reasons to get out of pretty much any activity. I may not need to do that anymore. The thought of being able to do all the things I want to do is pretty exciting.
For anybody who is interested, this is my current medication regimen. The first four are new and prescribed by my new doctor. The vitamins D, B1, and B6 were increased by my new doctor after blood tests showed my levels were low. The cinnamon treats my PCOS, in place of the metformin I stopped taking 2 years ago. I started taking the magnesium for the fibromyalgia, but currently I use it to help treat an emerging essential tremor. Wood betony is pretty much the only herb that can help treat concussions. I first took it last year as I recovered from my major concussion, and I am taking it now because my encounter with the mosh pit last month reinjured my concussion a bit. I may be able to stop the St. John’s Wort soon. The rest are supplements left over from an extensive regimen I tried for fibromyalgia.
- Advil Liqui-gel 160 count BoxAdvil Liqui-Gels, 2 capsules 3x/day (1200 mg ibuprofen)
- Tart red cherry concentrate, 1 oz/day (I like to mix it with Sierra Mist)
- Zyflamend, 1 capsule 3x/day
- Glucosamine, 3000 mg/day
- Vitamin D, 10000 IU/day
- Vitamin B1, 100 mg/day
- Vitamin B6, 50 mg/day
- Cinnamon, 1000 mg/day
- Magnesium, 250 mg/day
- Wood Betony, 1800 mg/day
- St. John’s Wort, 900 mg/day
- Inositol, 650 mg/week
- Vitamin B12, 1500 mcg/week
- Vitamin B2, 200 mg/week
- Niacin, 250 mg/week
- Chelated manganese, 16 mg/week