One part of the day, I’ll feel great, perky and energetic. Later in the same day, I’ll be sleepy, exhausted, and achy. No apparent reason. It’s a roller coaster all day long, with no telling how I’m going to feel in an hour or two. I have to keep my priorities straight, so I can work on what needs doing the most when I can.
How to get those priorities straight, though? Is it more important to work on Jarod’s writing, or potty training Kender, or putting another keyed deadbolt in another door, or fixing dinner, or getting my exercise done, or balancing the checkbook before I go grocery shopping, or getting more sleep, or making sure Brenden studies enough? Which is most important? They’re all important! Dice, I need to remember my dice, that’s what they’re for, picking one out of a hundred things that seem important.
Those life coaches and Getting Things Done people say you’re supposed to write down big goals, and then write down intermediate goals, and then write down short goals, and then write down the steps to your goals, and then follow them. That sounds exhausting. My big goals are years and years away, and I have to work on them every day, and sometimes I just want to give up, especially when I can’t see any progress. I should print out a progress chart for Kender, like I am doing for the older kids, and use it to graphically mark off what he’s doing and when, so I can see the progress he’s making when I feel like there isn’t any.
I have to find little ways like that to keep myself looking on the bright side of things, because otherwise my brain is wired to hyperfocus on the darker side of things. My brain wants to have constant panic attacks because Kender isn’t potty trained, doesn’t like to be read to, isn’t learning his ABCs. I have to remind it that it’s only been 18 months since Kender wouldn’t even lift his head or come out of child’s pose, that in the last few months he’s learned to say hello and goodbye and thank you (sometimes!), to greet people by name, to use a straw, to pedal his tricycle, to pet animals gently. When I want to curl up into a ball and go hermit because I’ve been socially stabbed in the back by someone I thought was a friend, I have to remember that I have real friends who want to spend time with me, friends who invite me to parties and movies, friends who even became my covenmates, and one who gives his life and work for me and my children every day, even on those days when I have nothing to give back. When I feel like I don’t do anything around the house, I can go look at my “completed” lists on Remember the Milk and see all the things I did do.
I could even print up a chart for me to fill in for changing Kender’s diapers, in lieu of the infamous potty chart that has never helped my kids. Then I can at least see that I’m getting a lot of shit taken care of!
I love this post. It feels so familiar and your response inspiring.
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