Brenden went off for his first day of high school today. The entire family ended up getting up to see him off, when I expected to be up alone. He decided to ride the bus today instead of his bike, because his best friend was also riding the bus. The bus was late, so he spent about 20 minutes just hanging out at the bus stop with the other kids.
I have a great big bag of mixed feelings today. I’m snappy and bitchy, and I have a lot of feelings of inadequacy. I’m worried all over again about measuring up. I’m comparing my day at home to Brenden’s day at school, comparing how much actual schoolwork we get done here to how much Brenden will be doing, or how much my other homeschooling friends get done, and I’m just coming up short. All the self-talk about how things are better now than they were a month ago is falling flat. I’m panicking about getting the girls started on their own high school work (and how to pay for it!). I’m constantly worried about Kender. I just really realized yesterday that with the other kids, at Kender’s age I was teaching them how to read. I thought I’d be bringing the Bob books out and Brailling them at this point. Instead I’m still trying to figure out potty training and how to deal with his screaming and hitting and breaking things.
I know Brenden will be fine. He’s smart, he’s cool, he makes friends, he gets along. I’m more worried about the rest of us. Are we going to make it through the school year?
Hugs. Big tight as-long-as-you-need-them hugs.
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