I’ve been told before that I should write a book about my life. All the strange and weird things that cross my path and keep changing my fate ought to make for interesting reading. Right now, I think it would make a bad comedy, to use a friend’s words. Suspension of disbelief in the audience might be rendered completely impossible. There’s only so many times lightning is supposed to strike one person, after all.
Computer processing power is measured in FLOPS, or FLoating-point Operations Per Second. On Tuesday, we had an intake appointment with a new therapy center that we hope will be of use to Kender. On the basis of that appointment, I have coined a new measurement: HPI, or Head-desks Per Interview. The intake required detailed information about Kender’s medical history and development, and for the first time I caused a measurable HPI in the therapist taking down the information. For example:
Yes, he’s had surgeries. He’s been put to sleep more than 20 times now. ::headdesk:: We think he was in pain for about 1.5-2 years straight from his eyes. ::headdesk:: Oh, and there were the teeth, and the root canal he needed, and the pain from that which didn’t get fixed until this spring. ::headdesk::
I got a kick out of this, personally, because I know this is what is going on inside somebody’s head when we really sit down to tell our life stories. With this guy, I actually got to see the headdesks and count them. He made no effort to hide his reactions, to be polite or nod like Freud about to ask about my mother. I thought this was pretty fantastic.
Another bad comedy in my life right now is the state of my home, its appliances and furnishings. Every single thing in our house has something wrong with it. I have to laugh, otherwise I’d cry. The most spectacular failure this year, though, is the refrigerator. Technically we have two, but the second is tiny and was only ever intended to hold corny kegs; it has only one shelf, no drawers, and now no rail on one of the door shelves. The other is our main food fridge, a very nice 25-cu-ft Samsung with French doors and a bottom freezer. It isn’t that old, only about 5 or 6 years. However, this refrigerator decided to start crapping out in early September, and we have now had 8 visits from Consumers Energy to try and fix it. (Thank the gods we have an appliance repair plan with them that covers the refrigerator!) They have replaced half a dozen parts, and every time the refrigerator turns on, works for a day or two, and then dies again.
They started sending out a Senior Technician for the last few visits, and Monday he ordered yet another part to replace. Yesterday he came out to replace it. The first thing we found when he opened the box was the company sent the wrong part. ::headdesk:: This part had an extra thermostat piece on it, so the tech’s boss told him to just cut it off and install it anyway. Then he finds that the plugs don’t actually match. ::headdesk:: So he cuts off the plugs, swaps them out with wire connectors, and shoves the whole thing into the back panel so he can get the screws back in.
It’s already looking like it’s dying again. I think I’m out of headdesks on this one. All I can do is laugh. Or I would, if my head weren’t pounding so hard that my eyes are already watering.